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Thursday, June 10th, 2004

Subject:I know how Alexander felt!! ::Thursday, June 10th::
Time:11:07 pm.
Mood: pissed off.
What a horribly wretched day!!!
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Sunday, June 6th, 2004

Subject:Music----the essence of everything that is good in this world!!
Time:1:25 am.
Mood: drained.
What can I say, I had an amazing time today.

I am hurting all over, and I don't mind. I will expand on how awesome this day was later. For now I need to get the basics down before I hit the sack.

Woke up at 6:00am, finally got in line by 9:30am.

Saw and talked to the guitar player for Dashboard, John.
He was making his way to the casino to gamble. We chatted until we got to the casino part and then he wished us luck with the restrooms. Incredibly nice and sincere guy. Like Val said, I think that he was just surprised we knew who he was. Good find Val!!!

Mike the drummer for Dashboard come over to the line. He talked to us for like 20 minutes. Got an autograph. This guy was so nice to us. Just sat there and talked to about 5 of us. We talked about everything from watches to strippers to the weather, etc. Its incredible how nice these guys are. Makes you like them even more cause you know your money isn't going to some a-holes.

Front Row Center Baby!!!

Anthony, bass player for the first band Val..(I forgot the last name) anyway he threw out some picks, one fell on the floor and the security guy gave it to me.

Dustin from the band Thrice made his way down to the audience and got up on the step that was right in front of my face. Everyone around me was touching him, grabbing his butt and other areas. His abdomen was in my face, and you know what....he smelt really good. Right in my face....it was so awesome! Yeah I guess you had to be there.

Dashboard.......what can I say....awesome, unbelievable, wonderful, yada yada yada.

For now that is going to do. I need to get some rest. My bones hurt bad.
Dustin from Thrice made
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Thursday, June 3rd, 2004

Subject:My Whole Life =Several Small Boxes ::Thursday, June 3rd::
Time:11:57 pm.
Mood: weird.
I still can't believe that my break is over in one short week. Unbelievable....This has gone by really fast. The weather is getting too hot for me here though. I really can't take it anymore, I step outside and I practically melt. I have been fighting with my parents again too. I have a big mouth I know, and that is why I find it so hard to keep it shut. I try, but to no avail sometimes. Hopefully the spirits of all will be back to normal when I come back for winter break.

Dashboard is on Saturday. It should be fun to go with Val to another concert. We always seem to have a great time together...I guess that is why we have been Best Friends for going on 8 years. As I was repacking some of my stuff, I realized just how close we have always been. I have a little box with all of the stuff that she has given me or the movies we have seen or the weird crafty things we would make when we were bored. Weird. I find it so amazing that even though are lives are so different now, and we don't really talk on a normal basis when I am at school. Whenever we talk or see each other its like we haven't left each others sight. We just start where we left off. That is an incredible thing to have!

Just got done talking to Sarah on IM. I miss that girl. She was probably my closest friend at BYU. Too bad I won't get to see her for a while seeing as she is doing the Study Abroad Program to Paris. She is such a genuine person, you know, one of those people you click with, one of those people you only meet a couple times in your life. We are so much alike.We like the same music, people, movies, clothes. You could talk to her about anything and she makes you laugh. We would have sleepovers every weekend (during the week too, when we were having a bad day)! Wow, I lucked out meeting her.

I got my housing assignment for Summer Term. My roommates for my apartment are from Ohio, Wyoming, California, and Idaho. This should be an interesting thing indeed. Well at least I am the RA and I get my own room, so if they turn out to be weird I can just stay in my room....jkjk. I wonder how my residents are going to be though. I hope that there aren't too many girls that are older than me. That could be weird as far as being an RA is concerned. Being a leader over people that are older then me...hummm something to contemplate...oh wait never mind that is what happened last semester...being floor mom for girls the same age as me.....looking back it wasn't that bad at all.

I should probably start reading my scriptures so I can get some sleep before tomorrow....I have to finish packing up my whole life into some boxes. Wow....isn't that amazing....my whole life can fit into some biodegradable material....don't I feel all warm and tingly and special inside....nope..can't say that I do.
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Tuesday, June 1st, 2004

Subject:I am sad to go back
Time:12:44 pm.
Mood: gloomy.
I don't want to go back in a week. Well at least these last few weeks at home have been fun. I am going to miss Val though. Who is going to play the guitar with me and....I will be sooo lonely at 10:40! Oh bring on the sadness later....now its time for tanning, snow cones, and magazines:)
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Thursday, February 12th, 2004

Subject:It's all the same ::Thursday, Feb 12th::
Time:3:22 pm.
Mood: tired.
I haven't written in this journal in such a long time. I guess because everyday really seems like the one before. It's all the same.

I rearranged my CD's once again today. Keeping them in alphabetical order can be a pain when you get a new cd that starts at the beginning of the alphabet.

I am getting homesick. My mom wants me to stay in school over spring and summer. I am pretty sure that it is going to happen. I really want to go home but what are ya gonna do?

I have lots of stuff that I need to send out... Valerie your gift is on the way. I need to write everyone. I have been thinking about it, but everything just seems to get in way of me doing it.

School is sucking. I am not doing as well as I was at this time last semester. Maybe I won't be getting straight A's again this semester. I need to pick up my act and put my shoulder to the wheel!!!!

Among other things my spiritual high is no longer a high. Again I really need to change the way I am organizing my life.

I asked my Home Teacher to preference. I have a crush on him, and some believe he has a crush on me too;) His name is Nathanael and he is from New York. He is way nice, funny and a gentleman to boot. :)
I bought a lord of the rings ring and out it in a small box, printed out a middle earth map and placed BYU locations on it. The task was for him to take the ring to mount doom (The morris center) and destroy it. When he brought the ring to mount doom he got a paper that said congratulations blah blah. It was really embarrassing for me, but what are ya gonna do.

*Nathanael and I are are volunteering tomorrow at the MTC. I am excited.

I have RA class, I should get going.
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Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Subject:Today has so much potential! ::Thurs, Dec 4th::
Time:11:57 am.
Mood: excited.
The brightness that is today has illuminated itself all around the BYU Campus today.
Butterfly Lovers:
For my Theatre 112 project I get the privilege of working with a really awesome concept and not to mention a really intellectual and handsome guy :) I got up this morning and had to attend our first meeting. I curled my hair and dressed in a really cut outfit and went off to the meeting. I have a feeling things are going to go well. The story that we are working on is called BUTTERFLY LOVERS, its a old chinese story that is so beautiful and touching, I really liked it when Kris (our leader) was pitching it to the class, I KNEW that I had to be apart of this. He speaks Chinese, and he served his mission there as well. Nice huh!!! We have our next meeting on Saturday...lets just say that I am soooo excited.
Resident Assistant Position:
I asked my Hall adviser if she had heard any news about my RA Application and she said that she requested it but that the office said that there weren't any completed applications yet. I was way bummed cause I handed everything in and I really want and need to know if I am able to get the position. Anyway today after my fabulous meeting I called the office and said hi my name is so and so and I was wondering if my application got completed and she said "Oh yes, we are sending it to the area that requested it today." Yeah!!! I am so excited :) I hope that everything works out with this, this would take a lot of stress out of my life...goodness :)
Temple Trip:
Tonight my fabulous Ward is taking a trip up to Salt Lake City to Temple Square to see the Testaments and to see the Temple Square all lit up.....I must say that I am so excited, the last time I went up to Temple Square was when I took that trip with Brittany and her Mom. I went into the Visting Centre and saw the statue of Christ with the Universe around him, it is one of the mot beautiful things I have ever seen. I didn't get to see much else so this time I am going to take my time and look at everything I can :) And I got some cameras so I can take pictures of my friends and all the beautiful lights :)

This day is going to be so awesome....ahhh can you smell the potential?
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

Subject:Man, I never thought it would be like this ::Wednesday Nov 26th::
Time:12:24 am.
Mood: determined.

I finally have a break!!! Well, I will think of it as a time to catch up on work that I have been slacking on, its only a couple of days but already it is crappy. All I can think about is people back in Vegas.

My Family: Yeah God knows how we fight, but I miss them...ALOT!! My dog, I miss her being hyper all the time, I miss her goofy cork tail, I miss her kisses. I miss talking to my parents, even all those talks that seemed insignificant. I haven't seen my new niece Marissa. I miss Karina and Samira and Hailey. I seem to be missing the best years.......Seeing everyone else go home for Thanksgiving is just making it worse. I have all this time, all alone to think about it and it sucks.

Valerie: My number one comrade. Tonight especially I wish I could just pick up the phone and talk for hours about nothing in particular. I know that we both have our busy lives but I want it back to the way it used to be. Too bad nothing is ever the way it used to be. I watched Edward Scissorhands and I was like man, this would be really awesome if Val were here....what can I say shes my best friend. :(

Britt: I haven't talked to her in such a long time. There is just something about her that makes me instantly happy. Well I think that it is everything about her. I miss her smile and her innocence and her excitement about life. I miss just hanging out with her and I miss calling her house and hearing Sister Taufer say, "Is this Maggie?" in that voice that I love. Gosh I love that family

Chadwick: I miss that kid like none other. I miss the fun times we had. I miss talking to him about school and Lord of the Rings and whatever else came up. I wish I could know what was going on so I could chat with him....ahhh my neighbor is so far away :( I feel so out of the loop

Kieper: Everytime I am in a theatre class I just realize how lucky I was to have Kieper as a teacher and mentor. That lady is like no one else I have ever had the privilege of knowing. She is just so awesome and I miss talking to her about politics and the left and how stupid high school romance drama is....ahhh man I feel like I want to cry.

Alex Pant.: Girl what can I say, we didn't get really close until senior year but I miss the things we did together the talks we had. What a sweetheart, it really sucks that I had to be taken away from all the awesome people. I can't wait to come back to Vegas...too bad its not likely to be the way we left it :(

I miss everyone else too....just to tired to express it all :)

I have a lot to be Thankful For:
To bad I am too bitter most of the time and I don't realize it :(
I need to make some major adjustments....it'll take time though
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 25th, 2003

Subject:Who's up at this time?
Time:6:15 am.
Mood: awake.
It's 6:17 in the morning but I have been up since like 5, I can't sleep. It sucks. I have a Theatre exam today, its the last day before schools out for Thanksgiving break. This semester has gone by so fast, when we get back from break we only have 3 weeks before the semester is over. I have so much to do, its crazy. I have to get some info into the financial aid place so that I can get money for my second semesters tuition. Ahhh when will the madness ever end. I guess it never will. I have so much catching up to do with people. I was horrible this semester, I haven't really written to or talked to anyone. I really need to get on that. Maybe thats something that I can do over the break. I can't wait to go home. I am so excited, just about a month left :) I am going to borrow Megan's guitar and Paula's keyboard over the break so that I can just play around with them and maybe write something. I wish I had a guitar of my own, I really think it would be a lot of fun, I have already taught myself most of The Beatles's song Something, if I don't keep playing it though I will forget. Well maybe someday I will get the money to buy one of my own, who knows, maybe I will hit the jackpot...jkjk I am soooo bored, ehh maybe I will go jump in the shower since there is nothing else to really write about. Peace out fo shizzel....
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Thursday, November 20th, 2003

Subject:Someday it will all work out.
Time:5:01 pm.
Mood: crappy.
So this is the long winding neverending road that is called Thanksgiving!

1st)The plan was for me to fly to Vegas

2nd)The plan was for Paula's parents to pick us up and then for my parents to drop us back off. Well then I hear that she isn't going to be going to Vegas for Thanksgiving...the plan was foiled!!!

3rd)The plan was for Valerie to pick me up and my parents take me home, well Val's poor radiator or something is broken and she can't come...plan foiled yet again....

4th) Well then I talked to my RA and she said that she would drive me and my friend Sandra and come to vegas with us.....then like the next day she said that she didn't feel right about something, she didn't know what it was but.....anyway..needless to say....plan foiled again.....

5th)My RA said that she knew someone who was going to Vegas and that they could take me, but yes say it with me.....plan foiled again....he only had one space in the car and I already told Sandra that I would hang out with her since she is from Canada and can't go home, I did't want her to be the only one here, seriously everyone else is leaving

6th) The plan was....well lets just say that there were lots of things suggested that didn't work out, too much to write.

The point is that I hate my life sometimes.....I miss home and my family and Valerie and the only thing I want to do is go home, but instead, by no fault of anyone elses, I will be sitting in a small cubicalish room eating processed Turkey at 2 in the afternoon.....Sounds like the ideal life to me....Don't you agree?

Gotta go, too much homework
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Wednesday, November 12th, 2003

Time:11:26 pm.
so stressful everything is
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Saturday, October 18th, 2003

Subject:Just remember the sunflowers!!! ::Saturday, October 18th::
Time:1:15 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
I just got done with my Theatre Midterm. It was all like essays and short answer and such. I think I did pretty good for the amount of studying I didn't do. These past couple of weeks have been kind of weird, mixed with a lot of emotions. I am still really worried about my financial state. My job is going pretty bad, like I hate it and the whole thing with the hours being when I want them is really starting to catch up to me. I need to crack down and get organized....easier said then done.

Then.....my friend lynette has a brother that is going here to BYU and he just got off his mission this last june. The funny thing is that he served his mission in vegas, and knows the missionaries that gave me my discussions :) I am attracted to him, and he just seems like the ideal guy for me anyway. Lynette, Sarah, and I are going to cook dinner at his place tomorrow, I am really excited and hope that everything goes ok.......hummm I think a prayer is needed :)

Things here at BYU seem to be getting to several of us girls here. Jeannine and I have daily talks about how culturally weird it is here. You can't just be friends with anyone of the opposite sex, because of this underlining marriage thing. Everyone thinks that if you are friends with someone its because you are interested in them like that. Also there are just a grossly amount of marriage and ring ads. For instance a ad in our directory is entitled: "Tiffany, Cartier, Harry Winston: Some girls at BYU aren't willing to settle for a typical engagement ring." Some comments in this article are so freaking sad, such as, " I'll be honest. I want a freakin' rock- 3 carets, emerald cut, platinum," or perhaps this one, "people have diamonds that you cannot even see. What is the point? You might as well get cubic zirconia if you're going to get something less than a half carat," and still my favorite quote was this, "Bruni (salesperson) had a female customer who wanted a 2 carat diamond. Her finance recently returned from a mission, and he didn't have much money for a ring. Because of her insistence, the couple ended up not purchasing a ring and breaking off their engagement." How freaking sick is that, how could you be so low as to not marry someone because they couldn't afford to buy you the ring you wanted, what a crock. Anyway, God please kill me if I ever utter words or act like these fake bimbos!!!

Valerie, my mom is supposed to be sending me a calling card so I will be calling you as soon as I get it. Hope everything is going well...miss you much :)
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Thursday, October 2nd, 2003

Subject:Yah!!! Meine Mutter und Mein Vater are coming here!! ::Thur, Oct 2::
Time:9:08 am.
Mood: cheerful.
My mom and dad are coming to visit me with Karina. I am way excited :)
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Sunday, September 28th, 2003

Subject:Somethings Missing ::Sun, Sep 28th::
Time:5:41 pm.
Mood: crappy.
I really hate the fact that I don't have John Mayers new cd, I feel like something is missing. I have been listening to him a lot lately and knowing that I can't get his cd is pissing me off beyond end. Ahhhh I just want it, how can it be this hard..........God will only know. I am going to go insane
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, September 27th, 2003

Subject:Something ::Sat, Sep 27th::
Time:11:27 pm.
Mood: lonely.
Things have been pretty hectic around these parts lately. I feel like I can never catch up with everything. Here I am, attempting to study for my german test, and yet wasting my time with this useless thing. I guess sometimes we just need to vent. Jeannine is gone tonight :( She went to Salt Lake City to stay at her sisters house. I feel mighty lonely lately. I miss Val a lot, I miss talking to her, and I miss my family a ton. This week I have been extremely homesick. Not that Vegas is that great or anything, but my favorite people reside there so wherever they are is home. Today I had a progressive day, I taught myself half of the Beatles song "Something" on my friend Megan's guitar. That song is so awesome....

Also Holly and I are going to play The Scientist by Coldplay for our ward talent show that is supposed to be sometime next month. I sing and she plays the piano, I am going to try to learn the guitar part so that that we can both sing and play. My fingers hurt so much though just from playing a couple of hours today. Oh well..

Sarah's ex boyfriend Chris, and his friend Lewis came up from Carson City to go to Dashboard with us. Tonight we went Ice Blocking and Cardboard sliding at the local park that has an extremely steep hill. It was so much fun, Holly, Sandra, Sarah Chris, Lewis , and I all had a really great time. My butt hurts from my wet pants rubbing against my cheeks lol :)I think that has been the most fun we have had since coming here to Provo.

Did I mention that I miss you Val? Thank you so much for the package, that was the first mail I have gotten here. I really like all of the pictures they are all hanging on my walls, and my London planner is right on the shelf in front of me. I also have your picture in my fuzzy black picture frame. I miss you so much :( I am listening to Across the Universe by the Beatles. Ahhhhhhhhhh I also have my lobster on my bed that I sleep with every night...Can't wait to see you :(

Ahhh, the joys of my life
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Friday, September 19th, 2003

Subject:Living up the lonely life!! ::Fri, Sep 29th::
Time:3:18 pm.
Mood: blah.
I am having such a hard time here. Not necessarily BYU but what I mean is, I am just having a really hard time in my life right now. I am really stressed out. I am trying to do reallY well in my classes but I am getting behind again, and slacking off on the reading for instance. I am not getting German (yet again) and I just feel so overwhelmed.
Some of the people here are just sooo ehhhh, I can't even describe how dumb they are. I am sick of my boring job and I just want some stability in my life right now. I miss how things were back in Vegas. I miss my family, I miss my nieces, I miss my Best friend, I miss CHS Theatre, I miss my room, I miss EVERYTHING! I have things to do...........
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Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003

Subject:You Know Your At BYU...when...
Time:1:04 pm.
Mood: indifferent.
You know your at BYU when:
*You open all your activities with a Prayer and Hymn
*You go to a dance and you hear Vanilla Ice
*Every Activity has refreshments
*When you have to go fill out forms of any kind there is a Disney movie playing to keep you company
*Babies and children are in your classes
*You see everyone holding hands
*Someone apologizes when they say "darn"
*Everyone gets excited about Ice Cream
And many more, that I can't think of right now

I think I am going to like it here.. :)
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Tuesday, August 26th, 2003

Subject:Holy Hanna ::Monday/Tuesday, Aug 25th/26th::
Time:2:13 am.
Mood: ecstatic.
I am on such a high right now. I went to the Hanson Concert at the House of Blues~ Crossroads, and holy cow, they were so freaking awesome. I know most of you may be skeptical when I say this, but I kid you not, this show was so intimate, and brilliant won't begin to tell anyone how great they were, and I have not seen such good performers in such a long time. They blew away everyone who was there. The concert wasn't actually in the house of blues itself, but there is this really awesome place that is on top of it, I guess it was a restaurant that they cleared out. The environment was so awesome, complete with a giant tree with lighted fixtures and such. I am so excited still, and can't believe that I actually saw them, it has been almost 7 years in waiting. Anyway, to continue, the stage was like right there, practically ground level with us, like two feet away reach wise, I could see facial hair and everything, thats how close I was. They have grown up so much, I don't think anyone was really ready for the awesome show that they put on. Zac really amazed me, with his solo song called "Lulla Belle", where he played the piano and sang with precision and maturity. I honestly almost cried, because well oh my goodness he is just that good of a musician, I felt the music in my heart. Also, Ike's solo song called "Being Me" was also really awesome. Heck everything they played was just so ripe, and tasteful, and mellow, just the way I like it! I got to touch Zac,lol and I made eye contact with them all (hummm, scary, I think its the teeny bopper reappearing....) I don't know how to feel, I want to go see them again, I didn't want it to end! But all good things must come to an end!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am sooooooooo happy :)
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Friday, August 22nd, 2003

Subject:Although 2 is my lucky number, being second best blows! ::Fri Aug 22nd::
Time:9:48 pm.
Mood: crappy.
Grrrr........I really just don't care anymore. I am leaving in three days and you know what, That really is starting to sound nice. That way I don't have to be second best to ANYONE. I think thats the worst feeling in the world. And I bet you have no idea....Screw it all!!!

The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start
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Subject:Ahhh.... ::Friday, August 22::
Time:6:58 pm.
Mood: depressed.
I hate my family life sometimes, I wish that it could be better. But instead of anything progressing, it all seems to erupt daily. I really don't think that its my fault but oh well! It seems that everything I do is wrong, and well I always have my dad coming up with some smart alick remark and I am sick of it. I am leaving in three days, can't we not have a dysfunctional day for once. I guess not, thats the story of my life I guess. The only thing that really bothers me though is that its all blamed on me. Right, I guess it is ALL my fault (sense the high level of sarcasm)
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, August 20th, 2003

Subject:I can't sleep!! ::Wednesday, very early on August20th::
Time:4:57 am.
Mood: awake.
It's like 5 o'clock in the morning and I can't go to sleep. My mind won't stop working and I hate it. I have already had an awesome beginning to this week, but I am still so scared about leaving that I can't stop analyzing everything. I am going to miss everyone so much and it sucks.

My baptism on monday was so awesome, and well lets just say that my mascara wasn't on for long. I have never been so happy in my life. Everyone was there and I wouldn't have chosen to be anywhere else. I still can't believe that I AM A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS!!!!! I really really really feel blessed to have been in the company of such awesome people. I really can't say enough about how awesome that day was.

I still have so much to pack and so many people to visit in these last short 6 days. I am afraid that I am not going to be able to spend time with my friends, because I really want to try and spend time with my parents. I wish there was more time, its come to fast I must say. I am so stressed about this move, ahh if anyone had anyidea......
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